A husband and wife were sitting watching TV when he turned to his wife and said, 'Honey, tell m e something that will make me Happy and Sad all at the same time.'
She said …'You have the Biggest "Weewee" of all your Friends.
Originally posted by 1184jap
It may seem like a stupid question
But is 192.168.1.3 the IP addr of you dreambox or PC.
Male Self Examination Quiz 'Am I Gay?'
1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics and the Oprah Diet.
2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay -- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed.
And just think about how you call a dog... 'Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!' Now think about how you call a cat...'Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!' Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.
3. If you suck on lollipops, ring-pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on B-B-Q ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or TITS. Anything else and you are in training and undeniably a fag.
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.
5. You are gay if you drink anything other than regular coffee. A straight man will never be heard ordering a 'Decaf Soy Latte'. If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there, too.
6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colors or four different types of dessert other than ice cream or pie, you might as well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out 'chartreuse' or you know what a 'fressier' is, you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are faggadocious.
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel (unless you are on a race track) forget it, you are dying to tune the meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut a jerk off. The rest of the time he needs his one hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger or hold his beer.
8. If you do not send this to all the males in your email-list because you are afraid of hurting their feelings then you are definitely on the verge of being a fudgepacker.
use a null modem cable & re-flash your box. make sure you have a none-corrupted image.
First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.
Second date: You get to grope all over and make out.
Third date : You get to have sex, but only in the missionary position.
First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.
Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti and meatballs.
Third Date: You have sex, she wants to marry you and insists on a 3-carat ring.
5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together and hate the thought of having sex.
6th Anniversary: You find yourself a girlfriend.
First Date: You get dynamite head.
Second Date: You get more great head.
Third Date: You tell her you'll marry her and never get head again.
First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner, but nothing happens.
Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing happens again.
Third date: You don't even get to the third date and you already realized nothing is going to happen.
First date: Meet her parents.
Second date: Set the date of the wedding.
Third date: Wedding night.
First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.
Second Date: You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive dinner.
Third Date: You get to pay her rent.
Tenth Date: She's pregnant by someone other than you.
First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on Tequila, and have sex in the back of her car.
Second Date: She's pregnant.
Third Date: She moves in. One week later ~ her mother, father, his girlfriend, her two sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her grandma, her father's girlfriend's mother, her two cousins, her sister's boyfriend and his three kids move in and you live on rice and beans for the rest of your life in your home that used to be nice, but now looks like a home along the Rio Grande.
I vote for Irish women
you use dreamup to flash your dreambox with your image of choice. Flashwizard is mainly used to install more then one image in your box. you don't have to be a rocket scientist to quickly understand and master your dreambox, you just have to do a little bit of reading.
this looks good and it should work fine m8. Just to be clear about "freq 11250" I am sure you are talking about LOF/H=11250.
Let me ask you a question, what kind of switches are you using?
I think you need to read the release info text to know how to get the multi-epg when you press the red button.
press the red button twice fast enough to get a message asking you if you want "Channel EPG" or "Multi-EPG", select multi EPG and press OK.
now, if you want to see your multi-epg, just press the red button.
for you to get all available epg info, tune to an epg or eepg channel, stay there for a few minutes, and your epg will be populated to whatever is available from the provider, and this is how you do it in any image.
with all respect to PLi images and team, but Gemini is still up ahead in comparing all features and stability.
Little Bruce & Jenny
Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they know they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Bruce goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.
Bruce bravely walks up to him and says, 'Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want
to ask you for her hand in marriage.'
Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, 'Well Bruce, you are only 10. Where will you two live?'
Without even taking a moment to think about it, Bruce replies, 'In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely.'
Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, 'Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny.'
Again, Bruce instantly replies, 'Our allowance. Jenny gets five bucks a week and I get 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month and that should do us just fine.'
Mr. Smith is impressed Bruce has put so much thought into this. 'Well Bruce, it seems like you have everything figured out. I just have one more question. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?'
Bruce just shrugs his shoulders and says, 'Well, we've been lucky so far.'
Mr. Smith no longer thinks the little shit is adorable.
WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR ANY U.S. PRESIDENTAL CANDIDATE, DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN , GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?
' My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of the Iraq regime has been completed.
Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.
This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now time to begin the reckoning.
Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom , Spain , Bulgaria , Australia , and Poland are some of the countries listed there.
The other list contains every one not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.
Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war. THEN EVERY YEAR THERE AFTER IT'll GO TO OUR SOCIAL SECURITY SYSTEM SO IT WONT GO BROKE IN 20 YEARS.
The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hellholes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.
Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France
In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.
Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France or maybe China .
I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France , Germany , and Russia . Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon ne chance, me z a mies.
I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York !
A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change.
Mexico is also on List 2. I ts president and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra thousand tank s and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put 'em? Yep, border security.
Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty - starting now.
We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we'll be drilling for oil in Alaska - which will take care of this country's oil needs for decades to come. If you're an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer you to List 2 above: pick a country and move there.
It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, 'da m n tootin.'
Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America It is time to eliminate homelessness in America .
It's time again for the annual 'Stella Awards'! For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald's in New Mexico where she purchased the coffee.
You remember, she took the lid off the coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving. Who would ever think one could get burned doing that, right?
That's right; these are awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and verdicts in the U.S.
You know, the kinds of cases that make you scratch your head.
So keep your head scratcher handy. These are also the people that vote in this country!
Here are the Stella's for the past year:
Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The storeowners were understandably surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own son.
Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles , California won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord.
Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.
Go ahead, grab your head scratcher.
Terrence Dickson, of Bristol , Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage.
Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open.
Worse, he couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut.
Forced to sit for eight, count 'em, EIGHT, days on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner's insurance company claiming undue mental anguish.
Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish. We should all have this kind of anguish.
Keep scratching.. There are more...
4TH PLACE :
Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, garnered 4th Place in the Stella's when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor's beagle - even though the beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard.
Williams did not get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun.
Grrrrr ... Scratch, scratch.
Third place goes to Amber Carson of Lancaster , Pennsylvania because a jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone.
The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.
What ever happened to people being responsible for their own actions?
Scratch, scratch, scratch. Hang in there; there are only two more Stella's to go...
Kara Walton, of Claymont, Delaware sued the owner of a night club in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth.
Even though Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000....
oh, yeah, plus dental expenses.
1ST PLACE : (May I have a fanfare played on 50 kazoos please)
This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner was Mrs. Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma City , Oklahoma, who purchased a new 32-foot Winnebago motor home.
On her first trip home from an OU football game, having driven onto the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich.
Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned.
Also not surprisingly, Mrs.. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually leave the driver's seat while the cruise control was set.
The Oklahoma jury awarded her, are you sitting down, $1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just in case Mrs.. Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy a motor home.
Are we, as a society, getting more stupid...or what?
Originally posted by highwayman
a swapfile is used like extra ram,
if you put swap on a flashchip it will kill the chip in months probably.
people stupid enough to use a usb-stick to speedup vista will learn this too.
There is nothing wrong setting your swap file on a compact flash card, you's probably going to burn your dreambox before you burn the flash card. It doesn't matter at all if you use a CF card, or a USB memory stick, nothing is going to be killed over it.
make ssure when you open the channel list to scroll to the channel you want to delete "highlight the channel you want to delete" before you press menu, then scroll down to delete and press OK.
New Rules 2008
New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white peoples' version of looting.
New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days --- mowing my lawn.
New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Lobster?
New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: 'Lucky bastards.'
New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're a dope. If you're a kid, the cards are keep sakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men.
New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows a lone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: Do you have two of them? Good, we're done.
New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but, without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.
New Rule: Stop screwing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.
New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a 'decaf grandee, half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low, and One NutraSweet,' Ooooh, you're a huge asshole.
New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering My PIN number, pressing 'Enter,' verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing 'Enter' again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.
New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to 'beef with broccoli.' The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.
New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN Recently televised the U.S. Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait, they're already doing that. It's called 'The Howard Stern Show.'
New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&Ms. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.
New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.
New Rule: And this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell If he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your webcam, Dude. I just want to wash my hands
New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
New Rule: If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that pays better than Minimum wage, then for God's sake don't pierce or tattoo every available piece of flesh. If so, then plan your future around saying, 'Do you want fries with that?'
look in this forum "english forum", the issue been discussed and covered in details .
I don't know what kind of fishing line you use, BUT you may want to switch
The Stren Line company recently sponsored a swimsuit competition.
The only requirement was that the swimsuit be held up by fishing line.
Here is the winner :
It's held in place with clear fish line
This year's winner --- 2008 --- World's smallest [legal] swimsuit.
Smart fishermen rely on Stren Line for all of their tackle needs.
The Grand Canyon Skywalk
The glass bridge which is suspended 4,000 feet above the Colorado River on the very edge of the Grand Canyon.
The construction began in March of 2004. On May 2005, the final test was conducted and the structure passed engineering requirements by 400 percent, enabling it to withstand the weight of 71 fully loaded Boeing 747 airplanes (more than 71 million pounds.)
The bridge is able to sustain winds in excess of 100 miles per hour from 8 different directions, as well as an 8.0 magnitude earthquake within 50 miles.
More than one million pounds of steel has gone into the construction of the Grand Canyon Skywalk.
Lingenfelter 427 Twin Turbo 2006 ZO6 Corvette
0-60 mph in 1.8 seconds on 93 octane pump gas.
0-200 mph in 18.34 seconds on 93 octane pump gas. Standing mile in 25.12 seconds at 226.25.
1,100 HP rear wheel on 93 octane
1,300 HP rear wheel on race gas 23 psi boost
Based on horsepower and drag of the vehicle. calculated top speed of roughly 300 MPH!
Car & Driver 0-200-0 MPH Shoot out - Read Article
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Jesse Jackson was in Sears.
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He was there to protest the fact that most of the washing machines were white.
So the clerk called the store manager, who asked, 'What's the problem here, Reverend?'
Jesse pointed at the machines and loudly bemoaned the fact that most of them were white.
The manager replied, 'Well, Reverend, it's true that most of the washing machines are white, but if you'll open the lids, you'll see that all the agitators are black.'
On a far far away [Blocked Image: http://ihadna.com/wbb2/attachments/downloads/imgs/farm.jpg], lived a [Blocked Image: http://ihadna.com/wbb2/attachments/downloads/imgs/chick.jpg] and a [Blocked Image: http://ihadna.com/wbb2/attachments/downloads/imgs/horse.jpg], both of whom loved to play together. One day, the [Blocked Image: http://ihadna.com/wbb2/attachments/downloads/imgs/horse.jpg] fell into a bog and began to sink. The [Blocked Image: http://ihadna.com/wbb2/attachments/downloads/imgs/horse.jpg] begged for the [Blocked Image: http://ihadna.com/wbb2/attachments/downloads/imgs/chick.jpg] to go get the farmer for help.
The [Blocked Image: http://ihadna.com/wbb2/attachments/downloads/imgs/chick.jpg] ran back to the [Blocked Image: http://ihadna.com/wbb2/attachments/downloads/imgs/farm.jpg], he searched and searched for the farmer and didn't find him. Running around, the [Blocked Image: http://ihadna.com/wbb2/attachments/downloads/imgs/chick.jpg] spied the farmer's new Z-3 series BMW[Blocked Image: http://ihadna.com/wbb2/attachments/downloads/imgs/BMW.jpg], with the keys inside, the [Blocked Image: http://ihadna.com/wbb2/attachments/downloads/imgs/chick.jpg] sped off with a length of [Blocked Image: http://ihadna.com/wbb2/attachments/downloads/imgs/rope.jpg] hoping he still had time to save his friend's life. Back at the bog, the [Blocked Image: http://ihadna.com/wbb2/attachments/downloads/imgs/horse.jpg] was surprised but happy, to see the [Blocked Image: http://ihadna.com/wbb2/attachments/downloads/imgs/chick.jpg] arrive in the shiny [Blocked Image: http://ihadna.com/wbb2/attachments/downloads/imgs/BMW.jpg]. He managed to get a hold of the [Blocked Image: http://ihadna.com/wbb2/attachments/downloads/imgs/rope.jpg] the [Blocked Image: http://ihadna.com/wbb2/attachments/downloads/imgs/chick.jpg] tossed to him. After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the [Blocked Image: http://ihadna.com/wbb2/attachments/downloads/imgs/BMW.jpg], the [Blocked Image: http://ihadna.com/wbb2/attachments/downloads/imgs/chick.jpg], driving slowly, and was able to pull the [Blocked Image: http://ihadna.com/wbb2/attachments/downloads/imgs/horse.jpg] out of the bog.
A few weeks later, the [Blocked Image: http://ihadna.com/wbb2/attachments/downloads/imgs/chick.jpg] fell into a mud pit, and soon he too began to sink, and cried out to the [Blocked Image: http://ihadna.com/wbb2/attachments/downloads/imgs/horse.jpg] to save his life. After thinking for a few seconds, the [Blocked Image: http://ihadna.com/wbb2/attachments/downloads/imgs/horse.jpg] walked over, and straddled the large puddle looking between his rear legs, and told the [Blocked Image: http://ihadna.com/wbb2/attachments/downloads/imgs/chick.jpg] to grab his thing and he then would left him out of the pit. The [Blocked Image: http://ihadna.com/wbb2/attachments/downloads/imgs/chick.jpg] got a good grip, and the [Blocked Image: http://ihadna.com/wbb2/attachments/downloads/imgs/horse.jpg] pulled him up and out, saving his life.
What do we learn from this story?
When you're humg like a [Blocked Image: http://ihadna.com/wbb2/attachments/downloads/imgs/horse.jpg], you don't need a [Blocked Image: http://ihadna.com/wbb2/attachments/downloads/imgs/BMW.jpg] to pickup chicks [Blocked Image: http://ihadna.com/wbb2/attachments/downloads/imgs/chicks.jpg]